Santo Muerte’s Dyslexic Rhetoric

HATTOWNED!!!

Posted in Random with tags boxing, manny pacquiao, ricky hatton, sports on May 5, 2009 by Santo Muerte

2 rounds. Talk about making short work of your opponent. Yep, that’s how long it took for Philippine boxing icon Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao to dispatch Ricky “The Hitman” Hatton in their much-anticipated match last May 3 dubbed “The Battle Of East & West” at the MGM Grand Arena in Las Vegas, Nevada. Actually, Pacquiao already floored the brave Brit twice in the first round, but being the resilient fighter that he is, Hatton managed to get up. Now resiliency & tenacity are traits of an excellent fighter, but not when you’re hopelessly outmatched by your opponent, in which case those traits would cause you more pain. So when the second round came Pacquiao made sure his opponent stayed down by delivering a crushing left hook to Hatton’s jaw which made his knees instantly turn to jelly, leaving him sprawled on the canvas barely conscious. The ref didn’t have to count.

Again, congratulations to Pacquiao for another huge victory. Here’s hoping that a match with Floyd Mayweather Jr. would push through.

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R.R. Enriquez

Posted in Babes with tags abs-cbn, Babes, boobs, gma 7, kapamilya, kapuso, philippines, R.R. Enriquez on May 2, 2009 by Santo Muerte

Something funny happens whenever I pass by the billboard above on my way to work. I feel something squirm inside my pants & my mind is flooded with thoughts about things that I would do to the chick in case I find her lying in my bed naked with her legs spread. The chick’s name of course is R.R. Enriquez & I have magazine scans of her for all you red-blooded males(and lesbians) out there. What I find funny is that she was quoted saying things like “I can do 12 guys in one night” or “I would totally go for a guy who can make me cum every hour, every minute, every second”. Really now. Exactly how many times have you been gangbanged by 12 guys eh, Ms. Hornypants? I dare you to go inside a jail cell by yourself & say those things in front of all those sex-starved inmates & you’ll definitely get much more than what you’ve bargained for. Either she’s taking the horny nymphomaniac shtick a little too far or she works as a part-time phone sex operator. Click the thumbnails for a larger image.

And of course, no R.R. Enriquez post would be complete without the infamous topless calendar pics. Click here & fap away!

Miss California vs. political correctness

Posted in Random with tags Carrie Prejean, gay marriage, Miss California, Miss USA, Perez Hilton, political correctness on April 28, 2009 by Santo Muerte

As I’ve stated before, I’m not a big fan of beauty pageants since they’re really just contests to determine who the most fuckable woman is, although I wouldn’t mind if the participants paraded around in their birthday suits. Like any other beauty pageant, the recently-held Miss USA 2009 also had its own Q & A portion where people can hear the same predictable, generic answers to predictable, generic questions.

But something happened that night that would change this perception forever. Perez Hilton, the popular celebrity blogger, asked Miss California Carrie Prejean this question: “Vermont recently became the fourth state to legalize same-sex marriage. Do you think every state should follow suit? Why or why not?”. To which Ms. Prejean replied: “Well, I think it’s great that Americans are able to choose one or the other. We live in a land where you can choose same-sex marriage or opposite marriage.” She continued: “And you know what, in my country, in my family, I think that I believe that a marriage should be between a man and a woman. No offense to anybody out there, but that’s how I was raised and that’s how I think it should be – between a man and a woman. Thank you very much.”

Perez Hilton, expecting a safe, politically-correct answer from her, got floored with her reply. This comment infuriated Perez so much that right after the pageant he posted a video calling her a “dumb bitch”. Wow, I mean, how DARE this woman give an answer he doesn’t like! Perez’s reaction is quite surprising for someone who advocates tolerance, but then again Perez Hilton & his ilk’s idea of tolerance is if everybody agrees with them with no questions asked. To Carrie Prejean, thank you for making us see who the real bigots are. Oh, and thanks for adding me in Facebook too!

`Carrie Prejean=1, Political Correctness=0`

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The Dyslexic Rhetoric is 1 year old!

Posted in Rants! with tags Babes, blogging, celebrities, Dyslexic Rhetoric, Nicola McLean on April 15, 2009 by Santo Muerte

So pop out the champagne, roll a fatty & smoke it amidst a shower of confetti! There was a time when I thought blogs were stupid. I mean, who wants to read someone blogging about how she had a seizure because she got pissed off when the coffee machine at her work ran out of cappuccinos, or someone blogging about how he likes eating scabs. But then I found out that blogging helps me vent. Plus it’s profitalbe too!

Anyway to commemorate this joyous event, have some Nicola McLean. BTW, if you wanna see more chicks please visit my other blog, Faptastic Inc.

Steven Seagal vs. flesh-eating vampires

Posted in Film & TV with tags action, Against The Dark, movies, Steven Seagal on April 8, 2009 by Santo Muerte

The idea alone would give any fan of action/martial arts movies a raging boner.

Steven Seagal is undeniably one of the biggest action stars of all time, his movies grossing over $850 million worldwide. He’s known for playing the hard-nosed, do-no-wrong, bone-breaking martial arts cop which criminals had the misfortune of pissing off. He has taken on mobsters, gangbangers & corrupt oil company CEOs in his movies, so whose asses are left which he hasn’t kicked yet? Why, the undead of course!

Ah, but such is my disappointment when I saw “Against The Dark”, a flick where the action hero is pitted against a horde of cannibalistic bloodsuckers. Everyone & their brother knows Mr. Seagal is a real-life 7th-dan Aikido blackbelter but what some people don’t know is he’s also a guitar player, singer-songwriter & recording artist, having released a couple of albums & collaborated with several notable musicians. When I saw him in this movie he reminded me of Robert Smith of The Cure, not because both are musicians, but because both of them have gotten so fat they have to wear trench coats to hide all their embarrassing flab. It really hurt my eyes to see the once indestructible action superhero succumb to his cravings for jelly donuts & Quarter Pounders.

Anyways in the movie Seagal plays Tao, the leader the Hunters, a group composed of ex-military personnel who…you guessed it…hunt & kill vampires in a post-apocalyptic world. His character is kinda like Blade, except that he’s white & has a ponytail. Oh, & fatter too. His group searches an abandoned hospital infested by vampires in the hopes of finding survivors before the place gets bombed by the military.

Seagal fighting hordes of bloodthirsty vampires was a great concept but this movie fails miserably to exploit the potential & deliver the goods. I mean, where’s the scene where he kills vampires with his bare hands using his deadly martial arts moves, or his final showdown with the Master Vampire? The movie would’ve been 43462345215 times more epic if it had a bigger budget & a great director. It may have also revived Seagal’s movie career, which has been in the gutter for years. But alas, the movie was as big of a waste as the US stimulus plan.

“A nation of servants”

Posted in Rants! with tags Chip Tsao, HK magazine, Hong Kong, OFW, philippines on April 4, 2009 by Santo Muerte

There has been much uproar on different blogs & forums on the interwebs over an article some columnist for a Hong Kong magazine named Chip Tsao wrote about Filipinos. Although his article was an attempt on satire, as much as I hate to admit it there’s actually some truth to it. Now before I get called a race traitor, let me point out that Filipinos also have their own share of “racist” slurs. We call Indians “5-6″, we call blacks “egoys” & we call avid Willie Revillame fans “bisaya”, so IMO it’s just pure hypocrisy to call the guy who wrote the article a racist.

Look, we all know that even if you have a college degree it’s still hard to get a high-paying job here in the Philippines, that’s why a lot of Filipinos are looking for jobs overseas to give their families better, more comfortable lives. Sadly, that’s also the reason why the definition of “success” for most Filipinos is being able to work abroad & earn big bucks. It’s also the reason why professionals like teachers & doctors here apply as domestic helpers & nurses abroad, all for the sake of getting paid more. With everything that’s been said, can you still blame Mr. Tsao for having a low opinion of us?

This is what I don’t get: Filipinos can easily swallow their pride when they apply for blue-collar jobs like maids or janitors abroad even though they have college degrees or are already established professionals in their own country just for the sake earning more, yet their pride gets easily hurt when someone points out that fact to them. Sure it’s not our fault we can’t earn as much here compared to going abroad, but if you want to stop people like Chip Tsao from maligning us, then make sure you vote for leaders who would create legislation that would increase the minimum wage here in our country & who would give more benefits & protection to Filipino workers & also leaders who aren’t corrupt & won’t steal from our coffers. Well, good luck with the last part.

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The (short-lived) saga of Manny Pacquiao & three TV networks

Posted in Random with tags abs-cbn, boxing, gma 7, kapamilya, kapuso, manny pacquiao, solar sports, sports on March 28, 2009 by Santo Muerte

Our story starts off with Philippine boxing icon Manny Pacquiao getting bored one day with beating people up so he decided to give politics one more try, despite losing to a woman when he ran for Congress during the 2007 elections. He realized that he needed a giant TV network that could give him full media support for his future political ambitions, which he couldn’t get with GMA, one of the TV networks that he’s presently under contract with, because:

1. GMA isn’t the dominant TV channel in his province of Sarangani.

2. The Philippine Omnibus Election Code, which GMA abides to, prohibits it.

In comes ABS-CBN, the most dominant TV network in the Philippines but not exactly a shining beacon for ethical business practices due to allegations of copying other TV shows & pirating talent from other networks. ABS-CBN has allegedly promised Pacquiao all the political support that he needed, in exchange for making them the only broadcast network to exclusively air his highly-anticipated match with Ricky “The Hitman” Hatton slated for May 2 at the MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las Vegas, as well as his other upcoming fights. So on March 18 he announced that he will be renewing his partnership with them. ABS-CBN had previously aired some of Pacquiao’s blockbuster fights.

`March 18: Manny Pacquiao announces that he'll be teaming up again with ABS-CBN to air his upcoming fight with Ricky Hatton...`

`...which makes ABS-CBN giddy with anticipation at the prospect of earning mega-big bucks.`

Problem is, Pacquiao is also under contract with Solar Sports, a cable TV network, to air all his fights until 2011 & GMA is Solar’s partner in airing his fights on free TV. Well, that still didn’t stop ABS-CBN from signing Pacquiao, being the greedy, moneygrubbing bastards that they are. They’ve probably been salivating to get Pacquiao back for some time, so they wouldn’t dare miss this opportunity. They even created a teaser clip, whose screencap appears below, to celebrate the return of their prodigal cash cow.

Naturally, Solar Sports got pissed & had threatened legal action against Pacquiao & ABS-CBN. Pacquiao, driven by his desire to become a politician, gave them the finger & on March 21 he reiterated that he wants ABS-CBN to be the only network that would air his match with Hatton.

Just when you thought ABS-CBN has gotten away again with doing another one of its unscrupulous tactics, Solar Sports executives managed to convince Pacquiao to come back to them, delivering a hard slap to the face of the clout-heavy media giant. ABS-CBN, upon realizing they can’t win in court, lets Pacquiao go & nullifies whatever contract he signed with them. It also prompted them to air a short clip, whose .gif appears below:

`Can you say "0WN3D"?`

So our story ends on March 24 with Pacquiao finally apologizing to everybody & has also promised to honor his previous contract with Solar Sports, but I think ABS-CBN should be apologizing as well. They should apologize for making Pacquiao sign a contract with them knowing full well that he still has an agreement with another company & don’t believe any of that load of shit they’ve been saying like it was Pacquiao who approached them because I find it hard to believe that a huge, multi-billion peso media outfit like them DOES NOT ask any of its prospective employees if they’re still working for another company BEFORE letting them sign a contract. Most importantly, ABS-CBN should apologize for making shitty telenovelas & for hiring an untalented, pathetic excuse for an entertainer like Willie Revillame.

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Iwa Moto

Posted in Babes with tags celebrities, Babes, philippines, sexy, kapuso, Iwa Moto on March 17, 2009 by Santo Muerte

It’s been a while since we’ve had a babe on this blog, so I hope you won’t mind if I post the delightful Ms. Iwa Moto.

She was born on August 29, 1988 in Las Piñas city. Her real name is Aileen Quimapo Iwamoto. She belonged to the third batch of contestants in GMA-7’s Starstruck, a reality-based search for new stars & was one of the finalists. Since then her showbiz career has been very successful, having appeared on several GMA shows & has modeled for magazines such as FHM & UNO.

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Francis Magalona, 1964-2009

Posted in Music with tags Francis Magalona, Music, philippines on March 12, 2009 by Santo Muerte

In light of the recent passing of Philippine rap legend Francis Magalona, I feel I had to write some sort of tribute to him considering I’ve been a long-time fan. First time I “discovered” him was on Alma Moreno’s now-defunct show in IBC 13 (God, I’m so old) during my elementary days. Then “Mga Kababayan Ko” became a big hit & that was when I really became a fan. I’ve memorized that damn song’s lyrics & still know it by heart. A few years passed & I’ve never heard anything from him, but when I reached high school a friend of mine let me borrow a couple of his Francis M records, namely his “Freeman” & “Happy Battle” albums & was completely blown away. Most people may know him as a rapper, TV host & actor but he was also a gifted songwriter. He didn’t just write run-of-the-mill rap songs. He’s managed to seamlessly combine elements of funk, rock, Rn’B, hiphop, metal & traditional Filipino music with an added touch of Pinoy humor to create a sound that is uniquely his own & uniquely Filipino. Songs like “Baw-waw-waw”, “Lab Song”, “Ayoko Sa Dilim”, “Wag Kang Tumawa”, “Girl Be Mine” & the anthemic “Kaleidoscope World” have left a permanent mark in my consciousness.

I’ve had the pleasure of seeing him perform live when I was in college. I just broke up with my girlfriend then so I needed some distraction, & the guy never failed to deliver. I’ve been drinking before I went to that show, but his energetic stage presence sobered me up that night. It was one of the best live performances I’ve seen.

When I heard he died it was like losing a close friend, & I try my best not to cry whenever a tribute clip to him is shown on TV. He was a great loss to the Philippine music industry & he will be dearly missed. Thank you for the music & the inspiration, Kiko.

The king is dead. Long live the king.

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Ortigas Mega Plaza Condominium suicide

Posted in gruesome with tags philippines, suicide on March 5, 2009 by Santo Muerte

Someone took these pics of an apparent suicide that occurred last February 24 at the Mega Plaza Plaza Condominium in Ortigas City. What’s weird is that this incident was not reported in the news & doing an internet search also yielded no results. Warning: Some of the images are graphic. Click the thumbnails for the pics.